Dog Training Books

When the next door neighbor (to use a cliché, from HELL, originally) locks his poor puppy black Labrador in this four by six cage and goes off to do his truck driving job for ten hours a day, he doesn't get that as soon as he is gone, the dog begins to bark: woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. All. Day. Long. The dog barks at noises, at footsteps (of people INSIDE their homes), at sirens, at birds. He barks out of loneliness, out of frustration, out of anxiety, and out of fear. Occasionally he barks to protect his territory, pitiful as it is with its leftover poop, a water bowl turned over, and a single ratty chew toy the dog outgrew the first week it was brought to the house. Dear clueless human, have you ever heard of dog-training books?

When your fat freak of a self gets home, you enter your house—to the barking—and take your sweet time (to eat) before retrieving your supposedly beloved pet. You then take your dog inside, but leave him alone in some other closed-off room, so you can surf the internet for porn or sports or whatever. Instead, you could be reading one of the many EASY-to-comprehend dog-training books, learning to teach your incredibly smart creature to sit—next to you instead of in a dark room without loving contact. You could be surfing amazon.com or powells.com or another of the hundreds of online bookshops for dog-training books that will show you how to condition your dog not to bark at every living being and every change in weather. No, dear ignorant one, amazon.com is not a place to find amazons for your perversions, and powells.com is not a play on words for closet masochists. This isn't about you any more than to educate you. Otherwise, we would be talking to the dog—who clearly has more sense, even if that sense is to report every disturbance or to chew every delicious piece of leather.

In fact, you could read at least one of the thousands of general and specific dog-training books to understand WHY your poor beast is barking, HOW you can keep him from chewing furniture (so you don't have an excuse anymore for why you lock him away outside so he won't bother you but the neighbors instead). We work for a living, too. At home. We do not want to be responsible for, be a part of, or even HEAR the poor dog. We chose to be dog-less. You have made a choice…now take some damned responsibility for it. Get some dog-training books. Better yet, get some damned human-training books. You're the problem, not the dog.