Denial

Denial

Denial is not just a river in Egypt. More than narcissism, perfectionism, the drive to overachieve, or to keep yourself from achievement, denial will put the breaks on your dreams.

Denial is the refusal to be held accountable for your actions. The Blame Game. Pointing the finger. When you give the power of your life over to events and other people, there is no hope for improvement. There's no ability to improve, and your skills are seen as worthless.

The Power of Responsibility

Self-confidence relies heavily on feeling good about your ability to change and improve your situation. Faith on yourself. People suffering from denial take themselves out of the question, and leave their lives up to others to fix.

It's very hard to take back responsibility of your actions once you've given it away. In essence you say nothing you do does anything at all, so someone else must be doing things for you.

Giving responsibility over your life has some subtle benefits, for the right person. If you honestly believe nothing you do has consequences, you never feel guilty. That leads to a lot of confusion when your actions hurt someone, especially those close to you.

Giving responsibility to someone else also means you never have to worry about leaving your comfort zone. You can stay who you are, where you are, forever, and anything results - in your mind - was meant to happen to you.

Because people in denial do not believe they control their actions, they don't focus on how what they do affects what they want. They're often found sabotaging their own needs to fulfill the expectations of other people. The self-destructive behaviors that result will not end until the person takes back responsibility for their lives.

Taking it back

The first issue for anyone in denial to overcome is their sense of worthlessness. People don't just give up their rights to get out of responsibility. They have a serious need of proof that they're competent.

The easiest way to achieve this is through small, manageable goals leading to simple, positive consequences. Decision with little risk of failure will, over time, rebuilds your self-confidence.

How do you decide what direction to start in? Like anyone else. Look at something you want to happen. Would you feel good if the car was cleaner? Take it to the car wash. Do you want to read more? Pick up a paperback. Choose one of the millions of small decisions people make every day ... just make sure it's up to you. Make sure the outcome is something you specifically wanted to happen.

Positive Reinforcement

When you feel worthless, and hopeless to change, positive self-talk can be a huge help. It might feel hokey at first, but sooner than later you'll start to enjoy your talk sessions with yourself.

Speak the truth. Think back through your life and focus on funny or proud moments in your life. Write them down, and then record them on tape. You don't have to listen to them again, but set a goal to fill up so many a month. Keep tabs on what you do that makes you smile everyday.

The better your results, the more you'll want to take some credit. Once you acknowledge your role in forming the life you live today, the stronger you'll feel when it comes to gaining your life of tomorrow.

Staying realistic

You may always be tempted to put responsibility of your life in someone else's hands. Make sure your goals depend entirely on yourself. If you're looking for a new job, set a number of resumes you'll deliver instead of a time frame of when you'll be hired. Don't leave your success up to the employers.

Realistic goals will also be, like other people struggling with self-confidence, small to start. Your first stop on route to a new career may be a self-assessment test. The next may be finding training programs. And so on and so on. These are things you choose to research, follow up, and invest your time in.