Facing Your Fears

Facing Your Fears

Fear has a purpose. It helps keep us safe, keeps us from taking too dangerous of risks. For too many people though, the power of fear keeps them from improving their lives. In order to become self-confident you must believe you can try to change and succeed. Facing your fear is essential to living the life you most want to lead.

Pinpointing your fears

Being afraid is a pretty intense emotion. The first time we feel it we might not even know why. Strangely enough, it is not always the fear of failure that forces that grabs ahold. Sometimes it is the fear of success that takes the driver's seat.

To understand how to defeat your fear, you must understand its motivation.

What do you have to lose?

Dylan played drums for a popular indie band for nearly ten years before they got a deal. Instead of being elated, every time he thought about signing the new record he started to sweat. The option to quit the band crossed several times before he pulled himself together.

The worst that could happen in Dylan's case was winding up on the road, where he'd been before, in a van with guys that he usually liked playing music he loved. There was the threat of their songs being tweaked, winding up in debt, and other things he was already dealing with.

Surprisingly it wasn't the criticism either. As an experienced musician, he'd heard his share of hisses and boos. When he really thought about it, Dylan was most worried about how he would handle the success of a major musician.

What do I have to Win?

Many times people can easily list the benefits to the situations they're headed into. It's what they don't know that's so frightening. "What will happen if I leave my husband?" "What will happen once we're married?" "How will this baby change my life?"

Fear can paralyze your ability to make decisions. when that happens, it's time to survey your options.

The world is full of resources where possible outcomes can be rehashed and researched. Talk to other newlyweds and divorcees. Check out parenting TV shows, books and message boards.

Don't be afraid to use your personal resources. If a friend or neighbor has gone through something similar, talk to that person. There's no substitute for having been there.

Once you understand what kinds of consequences you're facing, it's much easier to prepare for them.

Planning Your Actions

Your obstacle may not be as big as Dylan's, complete with a total change in finances, home and primary business, but you may still be unsure of the changes about to happen. It's okay to be nervous. It's also okay to be anxious, or sad to see your life take a different direction.

Now that you know what's ahead, you can devise a plan on how to handle the possible results. You might need back ups to your back ups, and a system ready to abandon your decision should things get too intense. Having those measures in place will help you feel more self-confident. You'll know you will be able to deal with whatever comes up.

Right before your big move, you might try a short series of confidence boosting decisions that prove your abilities to yourself. If you're planning a total kitchen renovation, you may want to re-stain various pieces around your house. If you're planning on going back to school, you might want to attend a few workshops first.

Celebrate in Advance

Don't celebrate your success before it happens - you can't count those chickens before they hatch - but you can feel proud of your work thus far. The courage it took to get to this point will affect all of your goals from now on. The commitment and effort you put toward your goal deserve some recognition. It doesn't matter if you cave in the last minute. That just sends you back to the drawing board, to plan for a smaller, less threatening event. Congratulations ... and good luck!