Overachieving

Overachieving

The difference between outward and self-confidence stands out the most when you're talking about overachievers. To onlookers they seem sure they can do it all - and do it well - but inside they constantly sweat about failure. Many times they get involved in activities they don't enjoy to satisfy the expectations of other people.

Self-confident people work toward improvements that help them enjoy their lives. That matches their actions with their intentions, and see success as life improvements they enjoy. Working for Work's sake - or your friends or parents and especially for the strangers down the street - rob you of self-confidence.

Overachievers judge themselves based on other people's opinions. When a teacher tells an overachieving teen they've done well on a test, they feel confident in that subject. When a teacher tells them they're disappointed in their work, they feel worthless regardless of how much effort they put into it.

Switching someone's perspective from outward acknowledgment to inner satisfaction isn't easy. Not even when that person is you.

Ditching Your Baggage

The key to self-confidence is deciding which activities you enjoy. What things do you like doing? Think hard about why. Do you like working as a volunteer because of your interaction with people, or because your name is printed in a bulletin at the end of each month?

Ending commitments can be very hard work. Partially because other people expect your participation even more now that you've made a name for yourself. Routine has a lot to do with things too. Overachievers typically like life to be predictable, even if it means doing things they don't enjoy.

By doing this, you create a path to boredom and eventual self-sabotage. You should take pride and enjoyment from everything you do. Only then will you feel fulfilled and have the drive to improve your life and believe in yourself.

Rediscovering Your Interests

Some overachievers live well into adulthood without stopping to consider their own wants and needs. They are so busy living up to other people's expectations they have no time to "waste" on themselves. Changing this attitude isn't selfishness. We all have ways to help other people that we can enjoy at the same time.

Expose yourself to the possibilities. Watch TV, read papers and magazines, ask the local tourist board what events take place in your area. Follow the sparks of interest that come along the way. You may find a hobby you'll practice for a few months, or for the rest of your life.

Overachievers need to ask themselves what makes another person's interests more important than their own. Just because is not an answer. As an adult, your hobbies, employment and religion need to be focused on what's in your heart ... not someone else's.

Facing the Resistance

For the last four years, Holly volunteered with her mom at the local domestic assault center. After her parents moved to Florida, she decided to give her attention to the art museum instead. It wasn't long before her mom called from her new home after talking with the shelter director.

"The shelter needs you."

How can Holly tell her mom that the museum needs people too? Or that she connects better with the younger volunteers where she's at than the older women who work at the shelter?

She has several ways of doing this. The first would be to ignore her mom's opinion and focus only on how much she's enjoying her choice. She can also turn the conversation around and ask her mom where she's volunteering now in Florida.

Even if mom gets in her digs, Holly will feel guilty for five minutes in comparison to feeling good at the museum for an hour each week. She's also feeling more self-confident, because she chose to make a move, to improve her life, and she succeeded.

You shouldn't have to wait for your parents to move away, your boss to die, or your friend to get sick of you to move on when things become an energy drain. Work to improve your life every day, replace pride in yourself for the opinions of other people, and start on the road to being self-confident.