Sharpen Your Focus

Sharpen Your Focus

Self-confident people are proud of their abilities, and honest about where they need to improve. Part of that is maintaining a realistic focus. Having the ability to see things as they are instead of how we wish or fear them to be. We all have trouble seeing the truth at times. Sometimes accepting something is impossible until you put plans in place to deal with reality.

Living in a Dream world

We all know someone who sees his or her life the way they wish it was instead of how they really live. It's frustrating for us, but dangerous for them. If in their minds they've already reached their potentials, they have no motivation, nothing to strive for, and very little chance of ever enjoying the here and now.

Ed tries to be the father to his boys that he wanted as a child. He goes to soccer games, and school meetings. He keeps an updated picture in his wallet and shows it to all his friends. He's a caring dad, and yet, when his youngest son is sick and in the hospital he can't force himself to see him. He's so phobic of hospitals he can't get in the front door, but later, when he's talking to friends, he tells them how horrible it was to see his son in the hospital.

By lying to himself, and to his friends, Ed insures the same thing will happen again. His wife will be made to go to the hospital alone, his son won't see him in the hospital, and Ed will feel like a horrible father. If he faced his fear of the hospital, he might be able to find the motivation to fix his phobia and be there for his family if there's another emergency. For now, he can't admit to himself that he wasn't there for his son.

Living in a dream world robs Ed of self-confidence in two ways. The first is by erasing the need for change which would make his life more fulfilling. The second is simply because Ed isn't a narcissistic. He knows he wasn't there when his family needed him, and it makes him doubt his abilities as a dad.

Living in a Nightmare

On the other end of the spectrum are the people who judge themselves on single incidents. They don't ignore mistakes; they discount what they're like from day-to-day.

Gregory is a very serious and hard-working you man. In fact, he moved up from entry-level assistant to manager in less than a year. Everything he does, in his mind, is used as an example by his employees.

One morning he wakes up dizzy and nauseous, unable to walk, let alone work. Sickness happens, but somehow he always thought he'd work through it. Missing work comes as a major blow to his self-confidence. He convinces himself he's set a bad example for his whole department. The next day he turns in his resignation before, in his mind, management has a chance to fire him.

Gregory's complete lack of focus on the bigger picture keeps him from recognizing his abilities. It leaves him hopeless because he has no apparent skills with which to change. In his mind, this is just "how he is" and he should quit while he's ahead.

Changing Focus

Strangely enough, Ed and Gregory have the same problem at heart. Neither man has realistic expectations of himself. It's how each man deals with those expectations that differs.

In their own way, both Ed and Gregory are perfectionists. One avoids his failures. The other embraces them completely. So how do we turn their mindsets around? How do we help them look at life more realistically if they can't face that failure sometimes just is?

In order to convince both men that the world is not going to end with one piece out of place, we need to help them create back up plans for when things don't work out. You can't possible secure every possibility, but missing work and children's hospital stays are fairly common things. There are other mishaps that happen everyday we can help these men plan for ... and in doing so, face.